


I'm in Love with the Girl Next Door

by cobblestaubrey



Series: figure my heart out [4]
Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Beach Day, CrossFit, F/F, Lesbian AU, Rock is a nerd who lives vicariously through her friends, cis girl au, jackie and her nerd friends are gamers, jackie and jan need to communicate, jackie needs everyone to stop meddling, jan needs jackie to stop being hot, sleepover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:09:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25139008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cobblestaubrey/pseuds/cobblestaubrey
Summary: It's Jackie and Jan's last summer before they embark on their new life in New York City. They're adults now, and should be having adult conversations. So why is it so hard?
Relationships: Brita Filter/Aiden Zhane, Gigi Goode/Crystal Methyd, Jackie Cox/Jan Sport, Nicky Doll/Rock M Sakura
Series: figure my heart out [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1792651
Comments: 31
Kudos: 59





	1. I've Been Drowning in You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, it’s been a bit! After pumping out three stories, I really needed some time to do other stuff like my job and my other hobbies. However, I had a stroke of inspiration, so here’s chapter 1! 
> 
> This story deals a lot with the anxiety of sex and virginity, and especially the way that people are told to view that stuff from a young age. Idk why, I just felt like this was an important fic to have in their relationship, as well as showing their last summer before they move to New York City (the move is the next story!) 
> 
> This fic is not beta'd. I literally wrote it and immediately posted it, like an idiot. If there are mistakes, I'll probably go back and find them and fix them later. Other chapters will include fun trips and idk Jackie and Jan finally communicating. I don't know how I feel about this, so enjoy!

Jackie raised an eyebrow.

Rock raised one back.

“Roxanne.” Jackie said, pointedly. 

Rock said nothing back.

“ _Roxanne_.” Jackie tried again, and Rock looked away. Jackie sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Why is Nicky in my room?” 

Jackie and Rock were in the kitchen making snacks for their marathon of the second season of _One Punch Man_. Sure, they had already seen it a million times, but Rock had offhandedly mentioned there might be a third season soon, and Heidi immediately recommended they rewatch the old ones. 

Jackie had offered up her house, as both of her parents were gone and Jan was off at a sleepover of her own (Jackie would not have gone had Jan asked. She was not dealing with Crystal and Gigi together without parental supervision). 

However, about ten minutes into setting up her room to make it comfortable for Rock and Heidi, the doorbell had gone off. Jackie had cautiously gone downstairs, unsure if they were all about to be murdered, but had to plaster on a smile when she had opened the door to Nicky.

“Uh, oh! Hi Nicky! This isn’t Jan’s house!” 

Nicky had laughed, swatting the air. “Of course not! I’m here for your viewing party, Rock invited me!” 

Jackie had nodded, stepping aside with her eyes widened, gesturing to the staircase that was right ahead. “First door on the left. Make yourself comfortable.” 

The shorter girl had stalked up the stairs behind Nicky, gritting her teeth when both arrived at the door. “Rock,” Jackie had started, gesturing for Rock to get up. The brunette had worn a smile, but she had her teeth clenched. Rock gulped. “Let’s go get some popcorn downstairs, okay?”

“Make it salty.” Heidi had said offhandedly, and Nicky nodded in agreement. 

Jackie had been silent while they made popcorn, until Rock asked where the salt was, and Jackie turned to face her fully. 

“Okay, so…” Rock could still not make eye contact with Jackie. “Nicky and I have been texting recently.”

“Wait, is _she_ the reason your tweets have been getting more popular?”

Rock threw her hands up in defense. “She keeps retweeting them! She thinks I’m _funny_ , Jackie!”

Jackie rolled her eyes. Rock had always been girl-obsessed. When Jackie had told her that she had finally asked out Jan, Rock was a little _too_ ecstatic, and started trying to live vicariously through them. 

She even made them a _ship_ name. 

Though Jackie was glad that Rock now had someone else to obsess over, Jackie was unsure how she felt about Rock inviting her obsession to a sleepover without telling her. 

“I knew you wouldn’t say yes if I asked, and she likes anime, too! We talk about Manga a ton! Please let her stay!”

“Rock, I wasn’t going to kick her out! First, I’m not that mean, and second, do you _really_ think I could physically tell someone to leave my house? Do you think my anxiety would let me do that?”

“Oh, yeah, I didn’t really think about that…” Rock trailed off, scuffing her sock against the floor. “I’m sorry. I really like her. I like _Nicky_.”

“Not the idea you have of her in her head because she’s tall and attractive?”

Rock scoffed. “She’s _way_ more than attractive.”

Jackie shrugged. “I guess I’m fine with it, then. Just warn me next time.” Rock nodded a bunch of times, and Jackie laughed while grabbing the big bowl of popcorn. “Let’s go back upstairs, they’re probably waiting.” As they were walking up, Jackie figured she now had the experience to _finally_ give advice to Rock, like the pink haired girl had always wanted. “By the way, if she puts her hand next to yours, _definitely_ hold it.”

Rock raised an eyebrow, turning around and almost stumbling up the stairs. “What if she doesn’t want me to?”

“Trust me, she just wants you to make the first move.” Rock nodded in response, and Jackie smirked, figuring that was all the advice Rock would need tonight. 

When the four finally settled and began to snack, Jackie loaded up the first episode. It wasn’t too long until Nicky got confused. 

Typically, Jackie couldn’t stand people talking during episodes, but Nicky had never seen _One Punch Man_ , and the other three had already seen it so many times, so Jackie didn’t mind fielding a few questions. 

Rock, on the other hand, would go on and on about the intricacies, and Nicky would hold onto every word, nodding along. Jackie should have found it endlessly irritating, but instead would just laugh silently with Heidi about it. They had never seen Rock’s affections actually returned before, and it was sort of funny that this seemingly ‘popular girl’, future-supermodel archetype was sitting on Jackie’s bed, listening to the pink-haired girl ramble. 

At one point, Jackie had turned to watch the conversation during the third episode, and realized Rock had now only been talking with one hand flailing in the air. Her smirk grew into a soft smile when she realized Rock’s other hand was in Nicky’s, and she knew her work had been done. 

That was, until Rock had _still_ brought up her and Jan. 

Damnit, she thought Rock was done with that, now that she had her own girl to talk about. However, Nicky was actually _fueling_ this discussion. 

“C’mon, Jacks! Which base?” Rock asked, and Nicky added a “Perhaps, a home run?” after.

“Are you a twelve year old _boy_ , Rock?” Jackie sputtered out, looking to Heidi for help.

Heidi only shrugged. “Can’t she ask? We’ve been single all high school, now you’re gonna get all quiet when you _finally_ have a girl?” 

“They have not done it.” Nicky said proudly, grinning as Jackie went red. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

Jackie sounded incredulous. Had Jan told Nicky something? Well, no, that wouldn’t be right. Did Jan tell Crystal something, who told Gigi, who told Nicky? Or was Jackie just an obvious, bumbling virgin?

Jackie didn’t want the answer to that. 

“You’re so awkward about sex! It’s adorable.” Nicky continued to smile, and Heidi raised an eyebrow. 

“Hold on, sis. Jackie’s only got one mode, and it’s awkward. There’s no point trying to change that,” Heidi laughed, earning a slap on the arm from Jackie. “Ow!”

“Sex is not something to be ashamed of! It’s beautiful. Jackie is so clearly still afraid of it.” Nicky shrugged, and Rock nodded, but also blushed at the word sex.

Because Rock was _also_ a bumbling, awkward virgin, and Jackie could not believe she was agreeing with Nicky. 

Jackie frowned petulantly. “I live in America and my mom is Persian. Why would I be okay with talking about any of this! Especially with anyone who’s not my girlfriend?”

“Dude, you talk about this with Jan?” Rock asked in awe, and Jackie scratched the back of her neck.

“Well, uh, once, yeah.” She said, remembering their conversation at the end of prom.

The pink haired girl gasped, fidgeting. “And?” She asked excitedly. 

“And we both said we weren’t ready.” Jackie slowly said, watching Rock deflate. 

“Come _on_!” 

Across town, an arguably similar conversation was happening, albeit in a group of much more _open_ individuals. 

“Come on, Jan, details!” Brita had yelled, shoving Jan’s shoulder slightly and laughing. 

Jan should _not_ have had this sleepover. She basically allowed herself to be a fifth wheel, with Aiden and Brita sharing the couch with her and Crystal and Gigi sharing the love seat. At first, it was an innocent sleepover, but then Jan’s parents had bid them farewell for a night out on the town (Why did Jan’s parents think she needed to be alone to have a good time? These women should not be left alone) so Gigi brought out the alcohol. 

Jan chose not to drink it because it burned her throat and she didn’t want to risk her vocal chords, but her friends definitely obliged. 

“One time, Gigi and I snuck out of fourth period to have sex in her car, and the school cop was roaming the parking lots, so we had to try and squeeze ourselves under the back seat.” Crystal said with a laugh, and Gigi nodded solemnly. 

Aiden snorted and Brita laughed way too loud. Jan only scrunched her nose. “Why the Hell would you say that?”

Crystal shrugged. “Singing Kumbaya, holding hands in a circle, sharing sexual escapades. They bring us closer together.”

“Yeah, and now it’s your turn to share.” Aiden said, smirking. Jan hated how the black haired girl would do anything to keep the drama going, without actually getting involved. 

“Well…” Jan trailed off, a smile forming on her face. “ _Summer lovin’, had me a blast_ …” Jan started, and Brita immediately kicked her off of the sofa. 

Jan was lucky she didn’t break her nose, pushing herself onto her knees. “Brita, what the hell?”

“We’re not doing that shit tonight.”

“ _Tonight_?” Gigi cackled. “Has she made you do this before?”

Aiden rolled her eyes painfully, then scrunched her face in a fake, disgusting smile. “‘Tell me more, tell me more,’” she sang, shaking her shoulders to the song. 

Crystal wheezed, pointing at Jan and then at Aiden. “And then she’d start changing the lyrics! ‘ _Went mini-golfing, and ate ice cream_!’” Crystal began singing, and Jan groaned, cringing at her past.

Brita joined in to Jan’s dismay. “ _That was after Dahlia made me scream_!” 

“Why did you let her do this?” Gigi was clutching her side, laughing so hard it looked like tears were about to stream down her cheeks. 

“They asked for details! _They_ wanted to know what happened!” 

“In song? You think we wanted you to tell us in _song_ , Jan?” Aiden asked, trying to keep Brita from falling off the couch herself. 

“You joined in!” Jan pointed out, her arms crossed and her pout apparent. 

“Yeah, because you turned on the karaoke version, and blared it until we agreed!”

Jan’s arms fell. “Okay. I did do that.”

“Please.” Gigi said, clearly still out of breath. “Just tell us what you’ve done.”

Jan bit her lip. She wasn’t sure if Jackie would be okay with this, but girls talked, right? “We’ve made out.”

“Have you seen her boobs, yet?” Crystal asked around a mouthful of potato chips. 

“No!” Jan screeched, covering her face with her hands. 

“Wait, seriously?” Gigi asked, her face scrunched up. “You’ve been dating for three months.” 

Jan rolled her eyes, obviously she knew that. She just wasn’t really sure what to do. There had been graduation and some last minute things for college, and there wasn’t a lot of alone time for them until the end of June, almost a month after prom. Now it was early July, and though the two had had plenty of opportunities to do _something_ , Jan couldn’t will herself to ask Jackie to go farther. 

She was usually the impulsive one in their relationship, but something about how freaked out Jackie was after prom made it almost impossible for Jan to know what page the brunette was on. She didn’t want to make Jackie uncomfortable, so she went at whatever pace Jackie wanted.

Which was a terrible idea, she realized in hindsight. Jackie could barely muster up the courage to hold her hand for the first time, how was the brunette supposed to be the one to ask about sex? 

After their initial conversation after prom about it, Jackie had disclosed to Jan that her upbringing wasn’t exactly ‘sex-positive’. She already felt the pressure in the United States in all shapes and forms of media to not talk or think about sex, but having a very strict mother only made it worse. Along with that, she had grown up her entire life surrounded by the ‘predatory lesbian’ trope, and felt that basically any of her desires were automatically perverted and should be ignored.

Jan had never been angrier at the world for what she had been hearing. She had wanted to tell Jackie that it was always okay with Jan to express those needs, but she also wasn’t sure how she herself felt about it all. Was Jan ready to hear about that? Whenever the blonde would think about it, her face became red and she would shift in her seat, unable to separate the embarrassment and the arousal. 

She was eighteen, she would think, berating herself. Why was she so insecure about this? She was Jan Mantione! She could go out on a stage and her heart rate would barely increase, she could stare into the eyes of hundreds of people and belt out a song without her voice shaking, she could remember ten or so dances for ten different songs all while singing! Why was talking to her girlfriend about sex so hard?

So she asked.

“Because she’s a nerdy virgin and you’re a geeky virgin.” Gigi shrugged.

Brita raised an eyebrow. “What’s the difference between a nerd and a geek?” 

“Nerds are socially inept. Geeks aren’t.” Aiden shrugged, and Jan’s mouth opened slightly.

“Jackie isn’t socially inept! She’s sweet!”

“She spent an entire class writing with a stick of lead because she was too awkward to ask someone for a new pencil.” Crystal pointed out, and Jan groaned.

“That’s so adorable. I love her.” 

The group laughed, but Jan didn’t.

Jan said she loved her.

“Oh my God.” Jan said, and Brita finally gave her a hand to help her back on the couch, because the blonde was definitely going to freak out. “I love her.”

“Ew.” That earned Gigi a glare from Crystal. “I mean. Yay.” Gigi cheered halfheartedly, while Crystal grinned.

“We are _so_ not ready for this conversation, either.” Jan mumbled into her hands, shaking her head. 

For once, Jan was completely wrong about Jackie.

“I don’t care about her pants or lack of. I’m falling in love with her!” Jackie finally shouted, after dealing with this argument for the past twenty minutes. 

“Young love!” Nicky shouted, and Jackie wanted to crawl into a hole. 

“Dude, what?” Rock laughed, and Jackie nodded resolutely.

“Yeah, I love her.” 

“Have you told her, yet?” Heidi asked, nudging Jackie’s shoulder with her own. She was smiling, and Jackie couldn’t help but return the smile. 

“No, but I want to soon.”

“She’ll definitely want to sleep with you after that.” Nicky added, and Jackie’s smile turned into a look of disbelief. “Sorry, sorry. Carry on.” 

“I know it’s only been three months, but I’ve never felt like this before. Like, usually I need my alone time, but I never wanna be alone when I’m with her. I wanna be around her all the time, and when I look at her… it just feels right.” Jackie shrugged, and her friends cooed to her dismay. She blushed, looking away. “Can we just finish the show?” 

“You know we wanna hear more, Miss Jaqueline.” Heidi took the popcorn bowl from Jackie, holding it away from her. 

“Hey!” Jackie tried leaning over Heidi, but Rock reached down from the bed and quickly took the bowl. 

“You gotta tell her!” Rock called out, trying to climb over Nicky to put the bowl on the side table. 

Nicky reached out her hands to still Rock, who had turned to look at the blonde girl. “You are rocking the bed. Sit down.” 

Rock’s eyes went wide and nodded, returning to her place on the side of the bed.

“Damn Indiana Jones, you’re whipped!” Heidi cackled. “That was good, that was good!” She held out her hand for a high-five, and Jackie grabbed her wrist to put her hand down. 

“What else is there to say?” Jackie asked, looking around.

Rock shrugged. “What are you gonna do when summer ends?” 

“We’ll be less than fifteen minutes apart.”

“Yeah, but now you’re in love. And college is a lot of work.” 

Jackie grimaced, shaking her head. “I don’t even want to go down that rabbit hole, right now.”

“But she will when we leave.” Rock faux-whispered to Nicky, who laughed, but still sent a sympathetic smile to Jackie.

“You still have the summer. Don’t lose it being afraid.” 

Jackie rolled her eyes, mumbling to herself. “That’s my whole life.” 

“At least you’re not afraid of loving her.” Nicky said, and Jackie smiled, genuinely.

“It’s the most free I’ve ever felt.” 

They’re all sporting smiles, and Jackie feels much better about it all.

“So people in love have sex, right?”

“ _Roxanne_!” Jackie yelled, but she was laughing along with everyone this time. “I’ll answer _one_ question, and it can’t be gross.” She held up one figure, and raised an eyebrow in warning.

Rock grinned, nodding. “Do you think she loves you back?” 

Jackie actually wasn’t expecting that. It’s very rare that Rock will surprise her, after knowing her for so long, but this was a surprise. 

Heidi ooo-ed in response, and leaned towards Jackie to hear her answer.

Jackie furrowed her eyebrows. She weirdly hadn’t even thought about that. Figuring out her own feelings hadn’t been hard, but figuring out Jan’s? Jan wore her heart on her sleeve, but Jan was also easily excitable and happy most of the time. Was she any happier with Jackie than she was watching paint dry? Jackie shook her head. What a stupid question. Jan lit up when she saw Jackie, always drinking her in and pulling her close. 

Jan wasn’t a tough nut to crack. 

The brunette shrugged, looking up at her friends. “It’d be hard to imagine how I feel is one-sided.”

“You’re lucky.” Rock stated, saying nothing else. Jackie cocked her head to the side, mulling it over.

“Yeah, I am.” She said, then smirked. “But I also had the balls to ask her out, so…”

Rock scoffed at that, but blushed nonetheless when Nicky squeezed her hand. “I’m getting there.” 

“Currently she’s not getting anything, though.” Nicky added offhandedly, causing Jackie and Heidi to erupt into laughter.

“Oh, I like her,” Heidi said through her laughs, grabbing the popcorn bowl back to take a handful.

Rock glared at them, crossing her arms and leaning back into the bed frame. “You guys suck.”

Nicky cooed, pressing her lips to Rock’s cheek. “Don’t be so mad, _mon petit chou_.” Rock audibly gasped at the contact and the name.

“Fuck all this, I need a man.” Heidi threw herself back so she was laying on Jackie’s carpet, taking out her phone. “I’ll slide into anyone’s DMs. Name someone.”

Jackie laughed, grabbing the phone from Heidi. “We can do that _after_ we finish a few more episodes. Stop distracting me!” 

The girls finally let Jackie turn on a new episode, but the brunette’s thoughts were still preoccupied. 

_Damn Rock and your stupid comments_ , she thought. She knew Jan and she were due for another conversation soon, but she did _not_ want to have it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorta shorter than I wanted, and I feel like I should have said more, but I also like where this chapter ended. This is basically the prelude to next chapter, which will probably be longer. The last chapter will be the climax/falling action/what not, and the beginning of the next fic will be like, the conclusion that flows into the exposition? Idk. 
> 
> So, Jackie's in love and Jan is in love but only one is freaking out. Why Jan? Ding, ding, ding! I'm projecting again! LOL I have some pretty bad anxiety about most things, but the first time I was in love, it wasn't an issue. It felt good. So I feel like Jackie would just bask in this cool feeling of finally connecting with someone.
> 
> Jan on the other hand, while not wanting to treat Jackie like fragile china, is still a little worried about how Jackie might react to a step like that, especially after the sex-conversation fiasco. Idk. Let's see where that goes later on.
> 
> Also, I feel weird writing so much about people talking about doing-the-do, but I also have had friends and know that it’s a huge part of conversation when you get a certain point. Especially for people like how I’ve written Rock LOL 
> 
> Lastly, I usually have a hard time incorporating someone’s original language when they’re speaking English, so Nicky’s nickname for Rock is basically like, “my little darling” but also “my little cream puff, which I feel like makes sense for Rock and Nicky.


	2. There's So Much Skin to See

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Beach day! Beach day!” Rock chanted into her headset, and Jackie groaned. 
> 
> “You think Jackie wants to be around us when she sees Jan in a bikini for the first time?” 
> 
> After the conversation at their last sleepover, Jackie had been unable to keep Jan and what she could be doing with Jan out of her mind. Picturing her in a bikini was one thing, but seeing her in a bikini would be a whole other ballgame. Could she convince Jan to wear some board shorts and a swimmer’s tee? 
> 
> No, obviously not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one took me a little while! Came up with some good ideas while I was just thinking about it, though, and I think I like this chapter a lot! 
> 
> I’ve never, ever finished a multi-chapter fanfiction, if I’m being honest. Typically I get in way over my head, I don’t plan, I don’t have the motivation to continue, and I make no progress. However, right now, it looks like I’m all good! Only three chapters, and that’s typically as far as I usually get in these types of things, so I’ll finish this in no time!

Although Jackie found that spending time with Jan the most fun she could have in an afternoon, they still didn’t hang out every day of the summer. Jan spent a lot of time dancing, singing, and at various acting workshops, as well as with her friends doing silly things from dusk until dawn. Jackie still spent an unnecessary amount of time watering her plants, doing Crossfit, and sitting at her desk on her laptop, with fifty tabs open and an ongoing _Discord_ call.

Jackie, Rock, and Heidi were not fantastic at video games, but that didn’t stop them from playing together from their own homes for hours every few days. Rock had gotten them hooked on random website games online that they could spend hours mindlessly playing while they talked, and Heidi had introduced them to all of the multiplayer _Steam_ games she could find.

That was how Jackie found herself at the hands of another interrogation, after joining a call only to find that Rock had added Nicky to their discord group (She actually didn’t mind this at all, as Nicky had now integrated into their group and mentioned something about a gaming mouse that could definitely help them in battle). 

“ _Beach day! Beach day!_ ” Rock chanted into her headset, and Jackie groaned. Heidi and Rock had been begging Jackie to invite them to the beach day that Jan had set up. Jackie wasn’t so sure she could survive with Rock anywhere near Jan, but the two women would not let up.

“ _You think Jackie wants to be around us when she sees Jan in a bikini for the first time_?” Heidi’s voice crackled through Jackie’s earbuds, and the Persian woman rolled her eyes, even if her friends couldn’t see her.

After the conversation at their last sleepover, Jackie had been unable to keep Jan and what she could be doing with Jan out of her mind. Picturing her in a bikini was one thing, but _seeing_ her in a bikini would be a whole other ballgame. Could she convince Jan to wear some board shorts and a swimmer’s tee? 

No, obviously not. 

Deep down, Jackie _wanted_ to see Jan in a bathing suit, anyway. However, Jackie still couldn’t shake that shame she felt at her attraction to women. She hadn’t told her parents she was gay, or even that she was dating Jan, and that lack of recognition at home still led to her internalized homophobia. How could she accept herself when her own family probably wouldn’t be able to accept her? 

She shook her head. She really, _really_ didn’t want to delve into those thoughts, especially when the enemy team of the game she was playing was about to raid their base. 

As the incoming swarm came to a head, Nicky, of course, took the opportunity to distract Rock. 

The two had gotten even closer since Jackie’s sleepover, and Jackie wouldn’t have minded had Rock not spammed the group chat at three in the morning about getting her first kiss. Heidi was way more excited than Jackie, who only texted “ _Shut up and tell us in the morning_ ” before turning off her phone and dozing off. 

“ _Rock, you’re doing so well, baby._ ” Nicky cooed, causing Rock to stop mid game. 

Jackie could hear nothing from Rock’s headset, and the brunette rolled her eyes. 

“Nicky! We’re gonna get killed if you keep paralyzing Rock!” Jackie laughed, watching as Rock’s character began to move again.

Rock groaned through her microphone, her keyboard sounds getting louder and louder. “ _Not cool_ ,” she mumbled. 

“Payback!” Jackie said, causing Rock to shoot a couple of bullets her way, despite the fact that Jackie and Rock were teammates, so the bullet animation was the only thing that happened. 

“ _At least invite us to the beach, please!_ ” 

Jackie rolled her eyes, but nodded, despite the fact that no one could see her. “Fine, fine. You can all come.”

“ _I was coming anyway_.” Nicky’s smirk was loud and clear, as always.

It had been Jan’s idea to do a beach day, and of course after inviting Jackie she invited her own friends. Crystal had invited Gigi, who had invited Nicky, but that was where Jan had drawn the line, because Nicky and Gigi knew half of the school. 

“ _We get it, you’re popular,_ ” Heidi said. “ _We’re telling Gigi you read Manga while we’re there_.” 

Nicky scoffed. “ _Gigi doesn’t know what Manga is! Do you think she can read?” She cackled, and Jackie laughed alon_ g.

A week later, Jackie wasn’t laughing, because she hated the beach.

The sand was hot, and the water was _way_ too cold. Jackie scowled at the incoming waves, shaking her head at Crystal and Gigi, who were dunking each other under. 

“I don’t know how they can stand that.” She said to nobody in particular, and Heidi nodded. 

“The water matches Miss Goode’s cold, cold heart,” Widow added, laughing to herself.

Of course, Jackie had completely forgotten to impose restrictions on who Heidi and Rock could invite, so Heidi invited Widow who had also invited Jaida, who was happy to be wherever Nicky and Gigi were. 

Jan had rolled her eyes initially when Jackie had to break the news, but had just said “the more the better!” 

Jackie would have agreed, had they not invited the nine loudest women in their class. They were always yelling, splashing in the water, throwing volleyball’s at each other -- Jackie isn’t sure where they got it or why they had one, since no one brought a net, but she certainly had to keep an eye out for it before she got a concussion. 

Brita was talking loudly to Jaida and Jan, while Aiden watched Nicky and Rock build a sandcastle. Jackie wasn’t sure why Aiden was only watching until they had finished, and Nicky took a few photos. After, she nodded, and Aiden backed up, only to run full speed and jump onto the castle. The whole thing was destroyed, and Aiden laughed and high-fived the other two.

Widow was on the other side of Jackie, reading under her beach umbrella. “These fuckin’ bitches,” Widow mumbled, causing Jackie to laugh. “Can’t leave ‘em alone for a second. Might burn down the beach.”

“There’s water right there.” Heidi commented. “How are they gonna burn it down?”

“Like they couldn’t find a way.” 

Jackie snorted, and definitely agreed. However, she was glad it looked like everyone was getting along. She knew there was a possibility that the two groups wouldn’t mesh, but it seemed like they were all having fun _together_.

Then Gigi and Crystal got out of the water, and it all went to Hell. 

“Jan!” Crystal had called, grinning and pulling Gigi along with her. “We’re gonna tan, wanna come with?”

Jan nodded fervently, excusing herself from her conversation to join them on their beach recliners. They were situated right next to Jackie, Heidi, and Widow, causing the former to look up.

“Hey, gorge,” Jan smiled sweetly, reaching down to peck Jackie on the lips. “You having a fun time?”

“Yeah, the sand is cooler over here in the shade.” Jackie smiled back, watching Jan lean down on her stomach. 

“Oh, Jan,” Gigi spoke up, and Jackie noticed the smirk that had spread across her face. “Do you need the other bottle of tanning oil?”

Jan looked up, leaning on her forearms. “Yeah, that’d be awesome! Do you think you can put it on?” 

Gigi gave her a sympathetic look, but Jackie could still see the glint in her eyes. “Oh, Crystal was going to put some on me, actually.” 

Jan shrugged. “That’s alright.”

“Yeah, you could always have Jackie do it.” Crystal said, looking over the brunette. “Here.” She tossed the bottle to Jackie, giving her no choice but to catch it. 

“You don’t have to.” Jan turned to Jackie, reaching out to squeeze her leg. 

Jackie opened up the bottle squirting a generous amount of oil onto her hands and rubbing them together. “It’s alright, I wasn’t doing anything, anyway.” 

Gigi’s smile turned back into a smirk. An evil one, if Jackie had anything to say about it. “You don’t want to get a nasty tan-line, Jan.”

“Jan-line.” Jan mumbled into her recliner, and Jackie thought it was absolutely adorable.

“You should untie your bikini top, just to make sure your whole back is exposed.”

 _Damn it, Gigi, you evil bitch_ , Jackie thought, with no true malice behind it. The blonde had a point, but that didn’t make it any easier when Jan asked Jackie to untie her top. 

Jackie obliged, of course, but she felt like she could feel everyone’s eyes on her while she did it. Along with that, Jan was now, technically, _topless_. In front of Jackie! 

The brunette tentatively put her hands on Jan’s back, and the blonde winced at the sudden coolness, before adapting to it and relaxing. Jackie made her way from Jan’s shoulder blades to her lower back, marveling at the smoothness of her skin while she attempted to cover every inch. She ran her thumbs down the bumps of Jan’s spine, flexing her fingers slightly at the woman’s waist. She could hear Jan exhale shakily, and looked up to see her gripping the sides of the recliner. Jackie smirked. She was sort of used to getting this reaction out of Jan. It brought her mind back to those heated make-out sessions where she’d pull away to slow down, watching Jan squeeze her eyes shut tight, breathing ragged. 

Then, Jan moaned out loud at Jackie’s administrations, and the brunette shot up as though she’d been shocked. “All done!” She announced, darting her eyes around to see if anyone had been watching.

Of course, she knew Gigi was watching, but she was _not_ going to meet her eyes and let her win. Instead, Jackie sat back down on her blanket, listening to Jan’s high pitch whine. “That felt nice,” the blonde mumbled to herself, and Jackie shook her head.

“I’m sure it did,” she muttered, facing back to the ocean. She fidgeted on her towel, bringing her knees closer to her body and squeezing her thighs together. 

_Great_ , she thought to herself, rolling her eyes. She was worked up, and there was absolutely nothing she could do about it. Then, she looked back up at the water, and decided there was _one_ solution.

She stood up, walked to the water, rolled her eyes again at herself, and jumped in. 

“Jackie, oh my God!” She could hear Rock’s rambunctious laugh from where she was sitting with Nicky.

The brunette quickly rose from the water, running back to her towel as quick as possible to throw herself on it. The water splashed at her feet as she ran, continuing to nip at her ankles. 

Gigi and Crystal were laughing from their spot, and that was when Jackie realized that Crystal had not been suntanning at all.

“I’m going to kill you,” Jackie directed at Gigi, who crossed her arms in triumph.

“You might want to cool off again,” Gigi laughed, and Jackie raised an eyebrow, before inching closer. “Hey, what are you doing?” Gigi’s eyes went wide, right before Jackie lunged at her.

Jackie was very lucky that, first, she had been working out since the winter, and second, that Gigi weighed very little. Because of those factors, Jackie was able to easily pick Gigi up and throw her over her shoulder. Gigi slammed her fists into Jackie’s back (which did very little, because Gigi wasn’t very strong), as the other girls cheered, watching Jackie run back into the water and toss Gigi in. 

Jackie knew it wasn’t going to be too cold for the blonde, since she had just watched Crystal and Gigi splash around in the water less than an hour ago, but it did cause the woman to shriek.

She shouldn’t have let her guard down though, because Gigi proceeded to grab her leg, causing her to slip and land on her back in the icy waves. 

Jackie’s scream was what finally caused Jan to turn around to watch what was happening, and she couldn’t resist the grin that spread on her face, watching her girlfriend and her friend wrestle in the water. 

The two women in the water were laughing, so everyone knew it wasn’t too serious, but that didn’t stop the smile on Jan’s face from slipping when the blonde realized the situation.

Jackie was in the water, in a bathing suit, picking up Gigi like she weighed nothing. 

Jan’s eyes were wide open, watching her girlfriend move her hair out of her face, only to tackle Gigi back down. She wasn’t sure how she was going to survive this.

* * *

Scratch that. The beach day was a walk in the park compared to _this_.

‘This’ being Jackie squatting two thirds of Jan’s body weight without breaking a sweat. 

It was Jackie’s idea to invite Jan to the gym, because there was a promotional offer that let members bring guests for free. Jan had initially been cautious, because she rarely found herself doing exercise outside of dance, but Jackie had convinced it that it could only help her breath support.

That’s how Jan found herself completely out of her comfort zone, watching Jackie show her the ropes. Jackie had her thick, curly hair back in a ponytail, with black biker leggings and a neon tank top.

“It’s really important to have good form,” Jackie explained as she put her barbell back on the rack, reaching her hands up to stretch her back. “You can really hurt yourself with a heavy load.”

Jan already knew all of this, but she loved hearing Jackie talk about things she was passionate about, so she nodded along, tilting her head and asking questions. “Have you ever gotten hurt?”

Jackie grimaced, nodding her head. “Yeah, I really messed up early on with the leg press. My lower back didn’t touch the back of the chair, and all of the weight went to the bottom of my spine. Couldn’t move for a few days.”

“Oh, baby,” Jan pouted, reaching out to squeeze Jackie on the shoulder.

Jackie chugged her water bottle, and Jan watched as she wiped the excess water away with her arm. The brunette then held the bottle against her neck, sighing as the cool metal hit her skin. A few stray droplets of condensation trailed down to her collarbone, and Jan followed them with her eyes, sighing as they disappeared into her tank. “Since then, I’ve been extra precocious. I always stretch before and after I work out, and I do my research about form for every exercise I try out.”

“So how much can you carry?” Jan asked, hitting her toe against the squat rack. 

Jackie laughed. “I don’t do my one rep maximum often, but probably, like, a hundred and thirty?”

Jan gulped, trying to stop the images of Jackie carrying her out of her mind. “Wow,” she let out, and Jackie raised an eyebrow.

“You good there?"

Jan shook her head, simpering, before looking up. “I’m just proud of my strong, hot girlfriend.” 

Jackie blushed, waving her hand. “Whatever.”

“No, really,” Jan stepped forward, putting her hand on Jackie’s bicep. “Not many people stay true to their New Year’s resolution.” 

Jackie shrugged. “It’s fun, and it eases stress.” She reluctantly took herself away from Jan’s touch, lifting the bar back up to do her final set. “Count for me?” 

Jan laughed, counting Jackie’s squats. When the brunette finished, she began to take the plates off, before pausing and twisting around. “Do you wanna try?”

“Sure! I definitely won’t need the plates, though.” Jan laughed, but hoped Jackie didn’t hear the self deprecation in her voice. Jan looked away, but could see Jackie tilt her head in her peripheral, moving around to try and meet her eyes.

“Hey, don’t even worry about it. Everyone has to start somewhere, you know that.”

Jan met Jackie’s eyes, and almost melted at how softly Jackie was looking at her. “I know.”

Jackie smiled so her nose scrunched and her cheeks lifted up. Jan loved that smile, the way it was reserved for Jan. Jackie was rarely silly on purpose, but the fact she let her inhibitions down around Jan meant the world to the blonde.

“Now come on, I have to show you how to squat properly.” 

Jan could feel Jackie’s hands move around her body, positioning the blonde’s hips so they were a bit above her knees when she bent down. Jackie’s breath was hot against Jan’s neck, and Jan had to work extra hard to focus on her form and not Jackie’s body against her back.

“Just like that,” Jackie basically whispered, and Jan could’ve sworn that Jackie’s voice was much lower and much rougher than it was before.

Then, Jackie stood up abruptly. Jan rolled her eyes, smiling to herself. Jackie was clearly proud of herself, either for teaching Jan the form, or for working Jan up by literally just speaking in technical terms, touching her waist, and breathing near her.

It wasn’t often that Jan could show Jackie how attractive she really was, but it was clear that the gym was where Jackie thrived, and Jan could _not_ help but think about how sexy Jackie’s confidence was.

She shook her head slightly. She was definitely going to injure herself if she kept thinking about Jackie. 

Settling the bar on her shoulders, Jan slowly lifted it from the rack, and took a second to adjust her footing. It wasn’t actually as heavy as she thought it would be, but she was not going to risk her back just to try and add a few more plates. 

Jan could feel Jackie’s eyes on her, and that’s when she started moving down, keeping her chest forward and her hips back.

When she had completed her first squat, she put the barbell back on the rack so she could twist around to look at Jackie to ask if she had done it right.

Jackie, however, did not meet Jan’s eyes fast enough, and Jan could see _exactly_ where Jackie’s eyes had been that whole time. Jan laughed slightly, and Jackie’s blush spread from her cheeks down her neck. 

“My eyes are up here,” Jan joked, but accented it with a slap against the side of her butt. 

Jackie sputtered for a second, before she saw Jan’s grin and sent her an embarrassed one of her own. Jan loved this smile, too, the way that Jackie would meet her eyes and shrug, as if she were shrugging off her nerves. “Sorry,” Jackie responded, but her grin only grew. "Good form!"

Jan bit her lip. She was lovestruck, she knew it. She felt like the words would pour out of her the next time Jackie held her hand, or the next time the brunette so much as looked at her with those soft, brown eyes. 

Jan let out a shaky breath, and Jackie cocked an eyebrow. “You’re not already out of breath, are you? You’ve got like, eight more squats to go.” 

The blonde laughed, positioning herself back at the bar. 

About an hour later, Jan was absolutely spent. Jackie, on the other hand, seemed as though she was still bursting with energy, but was also covered in sweat. She had pulled Jan around the whole gym, showing her the different equipment she had grown so accustomed to in the last few months.

Jan followed her around, but quickly became comfortable in the unfamiliar setting. 

However, Jan was definitely happy when Jackie had called it a day.

“I definitely need a shower,” Jackie thought aloud, wiping the sweat off her forehead.

“Can I join you?”

_What?_

Jan wanted to slap herself. Her stupid friends and their stupid sexual escapades had infiltrated their way into her mind, and a stupid, fleeting thought made it’s way through her lips completely by accident. At least, that's what she told herself. She definitely didn't want to admit that the thought of Jackie in the ocean hadn't been stuck in her mind since that beach day, and the shower would only aid in recreating that moment.

Jan pulled herself away from her berating and unnecessarily sexual thoughts to look at Jackie, who was red and trying to stutter out a response. “I don’t… Are you--”

“I’m not a pervert, I swear,” Jan rushed out, and Jackie choked out a laugh. At least, Jan hoped it was a laugh, it might have been a sob. “That wasn’t supposed to be out loud.”

That seemed to stump Jackie even more. 

“Is that… So you want to… Do that?” Jackie basically whispered the last part, and Jan wanted nothing more than to be sucked up by a black hole.

Jan shrugged, feeling hopeless. “I don’t know,” she responded, letting her hands drop to her sides.

“But, you asked?”

The blonde groaned, craning her head back and putting her hands over her face. “I know I did. I just don’t know why.”

Jackie nodded slowly, but her eyebrows were still furrowed. “Okay. Well, that’s not sanitary here, and probably illegal.”

Jan laughed a little, and a small smile grew on Jackie’s face, albeit a nervous one. “We’ll just take showers a couple stalls apart, then.”

Jackie agreed and reached for her gym bag, but Jan could tell she wanted to say something else, so the blonde reached for her hand and squeezed it twice. “I’m sorry.”

The brunette abruptly stood up straight, throwing her gym bag haphazardly over her shoulder. “Why?”

“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” Jan bit her lip, watching Jackie’s eyes wander across her face.

“I’m not uncomfortable.” Jackie said decidedly.

Jan tilted her head. “You’re not?”

“No, I was just thinking...”

“About what?”

Jan had no idea where this was going to go, and the short, loose conversation was not helping.

Jackie shrugged. “We’ll talk after, okay?” 

“Okay.” Jan nodded, but no relief came. She didn’t feel a weight off her shoulders, but she hoped she would once they had the chance to talk.

That chance never came, as Jan’s mother had a cooking emergency that may have resulted in some smoke and flames soon after the two were done with their shower. Her mother had texted her, asking her to maybe pick up a fire extinguisher if it wasn't out of the way (How they had survived in that house for eighteen years without one was a mystery to Jan). Jan had rushed home, and was too relieved to find her house hadn’t been burned down to finish her conversation with Jackie. 

That’s how they found themselves a few days later, still on the brink of spilling so many of the words they couldn’t say, when Jackie invited Jan to sleepover. 

_“My parents will be out of town,”_ Jackie had texted, and Jan had screenshotted it, reading it over every now and then. 

Jan had frantically texted the group chat, asking them for advice. Jan knew that something was going to happen, but she couldn’t predict Jackie as well as she thought. For every forseeable thing Jackie said or did, there was an equally surprising action that Jackie would make or conversation that they’d have, and it drove Jan wild. 

Of course, as all things are with Jackie, Jan didn’t know if being driven wild was confusing or a turn on. She’d figure it out, eventually.

Crystal had responded with, “ _Hump and dump with no dumping_ ”, while Brita had the decency to say, “ _Stop thinking and get some, Janice_.” At least, Jan thought that was decent, in comparison to what Crystal had said.

It was Aiden who had actually been the one to give solid advice, to everyone’s surprise. 

“ _Just be honest. We’ve all seen you two together, it’s disgusting. There’s no way this is how she’s going to end things_ ,” the short haired girl had sent, and Jan tried to calm her nerves by reading it over a few more times.

Her nerves made the week go by too fast for her own liking. Thursday and Friday had come and gone, and before she knew it, Jan found herself driving through the streets of her town Saturday night. She thought about how this might have been one of the last times she drove around for a long time. She marveled at the street lamps and streetlights, the tar that covered the road, and the graffitied stop signs. Jackie and she had built two separate lives in this town that had intertwined at the last moment, and she couldn’t have been more thankful for her girlfriend.

However, this same girlfriend was going to give her an aneurysm, so Jan wasn’t too grateful at the moment as she pulled into the woman’s driveway.

 _It’s showtime_ , Jan thought to herself as she unbuckled her seatbelt, getting out her phone to tell her girlfriend that she had arrived. She wondered what else she'd be telling her girlfriend, tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little cliffhanger, but not really. These two might finally communicate in the next chapter. Wow, lots happened! Will Jan tell Jackie she loves her, or will she tell Jackie she's ready to do-the-do? Who knows! Ha... I know.
> 
> This chapter was all over the place for me. I felt like I was jumping too quickly from one place to another, and my pacing was off. I'm not sure, though. 
> 
> I get nervous sometimes about my place in the fanfiction side of the fandom. I don’t feel comfortable writing about the queens without distancing myself from them by writing them as cis women, but I also feel as though others might not be comfortable with me writing cis lesbians because I am a man. I never want people to feel like I’m sexualizing or fetishizing wlw, you know? I just want to write love stories while not making anyone uncomfortable.
> 
> Also, this chapter was supposed to have one more bit (because all good things come in threes) about Jan and Jackie going to the drive in and trying to make out, but Jackie hates PDA, but I was like… that just doesn’t sound like Jan or Jackie, to do that in public and make Jackie uncomfortable. Jan knows boundaries.


	3. I'm Not Trying to Stop You Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When her parents had told her they were going up north to visit some of her dad’s relatives, Jackie had begged to stay home. She had reiterated maybe a hundred times that this was one of her last weeks here at the house, and she didn’t want to waste time away from this town. Her mom thought it was a bit disrespectful to consider family a ‘waste of time’, but Jackie had gotten through to her parents. She was staying here, alone.
> 
> Alone with Jan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, that was fast. I got inspired, I guess?
> 
> Thank you for all of the kind comments on the last chapter and the reassurances! This is the last chapter of the story - wow, I’ve never said that before!
> 
> I actually had a SUPER fun time writing some of this. The beginning is like, yeah, yanno, but there are some Jackie-Jan interactions here I really liked. So, yeah, I hope this lives up to expectations? I feel like it’s not climatic enough. Idk. I tried! I’ll admit, I’m not really a story writer, I’m more of just a dialogue kinda writer. I do well with dialogue, but story, with rising action and a huge climax and all that, that’s difficult for me. But I tried, and the only way to get better is to keep practicing, so, yeah!

Jackie had seen Jan’s car in her driveway before Jan had sent the text that announced her arrival. Jackie wanted to say it wasn’t like herself to be staring out her bedroom window, waiting for Jan to arrive, but it was. It was just like her to do that. 

When her parents had told her they were going up north to visit some of her dad’s relatives, Jackie had begged to stay home. She had reiterated maybe a hundred times that this was one of her last weeks here at the house, and she didn’t want to waste time away from this town. Her mom thought it was a bit disrespectful to consider family a ‘waste of time’, but Jackie had gotten through to her parents. She was staying here, alone.

Alone with Jan. 

There were many probabilities for how this could turn out, and Jackie played out every single conversation in the shower, thinking about what Jan would say and coming up with a _lot_ of responses. 

Seriously, Jackie wasted a lot of water doing this. For once, though, she could not care how ethical it was or wasn’t. She needed to talk to Jan, and she needed a plan.

Jackie could not consider herself a carefree person. However, this entire summer, which was supposed to be all of the relaxing she could ask for before heading off to the most stressful four years of her life, had become way too stressful. Her days left in this town were growing closer to zero, and she didn't want her last day here to include her stressing about how to talk about sex with her girlfriend.

Jackie didn’t like to speak unless what she was saying was _actually_ what she wanted to say, and that was exactly why the first thing she was going to say to Jan when she walked through the door was--

“We need to talk.”

Jan had been adjusting the straps of her overnight bag, but her head immediately snapped towards Jackie, eyes wider than before. 

“We- what?”

Jackie sighed, and the two stood there for a moment before Jackie realized she should probably invite Jan in. She moved so that the blonde could walk through the doorway, and Jan instinctively headed to the staircase, before she turned around.

“I’m still sleeping over, right?” Jan’s voice was soft, and Jackie’s tense shoulders dropped. 

“Yeah, of course.” Jackie responded, making sure her voice was softer. She knew by the way that Jan had nodded, and then apprehensively made her way towards the stairs that Jan either had no idea what Jackie wanted to talk about, or Jan _did_ , and she wasn’t excited for it. Jackie hoped it was the first option.

The two headed to Jackie’s room, where Jan set her bag on Jackie’s desk chair, before turning around and leaning against the brunette’s desk. Jackie sat herself on the bed, fidgeting with her hands. 

“What do we need to talk about?” Jackie could hear the nerves in Jan’s voice, and wanted to calm her. She didn’t know how, though, so she just answered the question. 

“About the gym,” Jackie started, looking away. 

“Oh, right,” Jan let out an uneasy breath. “We were supposed to talk, but then--”

“Then your mom almost committed arson, yeah.” Jan laughed at that, and Jackie felt like she could feel the warmth radiating from her. She didn’t like how far away Jan was, so she stood up, walking over to put her hands on Jan’s waist. “Not just the gym, though. The beach, prom, that time you flashed me-”

Jan snorted. “I was wearing a bra, and _you_ were the one who barged into the bathroom.”

Jackie’s scoffed, trying to ignore how high her voice got when she responded. “You didn’t lock it and I knocked three times.”

“I had earbuds in!”

“Why did you have your earbuds in while changing?"

Jan looked away. “I just couldn’t turn _Chromatica_ off that week.”

“You’re ridiculous.” Jackie said warmly, tightening her fingers around Jan’s waist and pulling her just a bit closer. This conversation was already not going the way she thought it would, so she tried to reel it back in to what she had practiced. “We need to talk about sex.” 

Jan’s eyes grew wide again, and she blushed as their hips clumsily met. Jackie threw her head back, internally berating herself at her inability to be subtle, and pulling slightly away.

“We do?” The blonde asked for confirmation, and Jackie nodded slightly, but could still feel her face burning up. "What about sex?"

The brunette groaned at that, fully backing away so she could flop down on her bed, and Jan proceeded to throw herself down next to Jackie, linking their hands. 

Jackie stared at the ceiling, forgetting everything she had wanted to say. “I can barely say it.”

“What, sex?”

Jackie threw her free hand over her eyes, scrunching her nose. “Stop saying sex!”

“You said sex first.” Jan pointed out, laughing and squeezing Jackie’s hand.

“Yeah, but it took me like ten minutes to do it,” Jackie said, continuing to avoid looking towards her girlfriend. She breathed in, squeezing her eyes shut, before opening them again and letting out a quick sigh. “I feel like almost every time we hang out, I think about it. At first, I thought Rock and Nicky were getting to me, but I think I just... want to.” She stopped, mashing her lips together and waiting for Jan to speak.

“Want to… what?”

Jackie closed her eyes again. “I want to do _that_ , with you. I want to... have sex." Jackie knew that Nicky was right. She needed to be able to say the word to actually do it.

She could feel Jan’s head move against the comforter, and turned to see Jan nodding. “Yeah?” The blonde asked, and Jackie smiled inwardly, before nodding herself.

“Yeah.”

Then, there was a pause.

“How do you know if you’re ready?” She heard Jan ask, before the blonde turned her body to face Jackie. Jackie mimicked the action, so they were parallel. 

Jackie thought for a moment, looking down and tracing the patterns of her quilt. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be _certain_ ,” Jackie responded, flickering her eyes up towards Jan’s. “But thinking about going further with you, that isn’t so scary.”

There was a pause, just long enough for Jackie to go over her words again, and sort of freak out. “I mean, unless you don’t want that. Then we never have to talk about this again.” She sat up abruptly, and Jan reached out for her arm. That didn’t stop Jackie from continuing to ramble. “If you want to leave, you can. I don’t want to think you’re trapped here with me, talking about these things--”

“Jackie, baby, please.” Jan tugged on her arm, and Jackie let her pull her back towards the bed. “You don’t have to freak out when we talk about these things. If I’m uncomfortable, I’ll tell you.”

Jackie nodded, turning her head to look at Jan. “Are you?”

Jan smiled, chuckling a little. “I just asked you this the other day, Jacks, remember?”

Jackie looked away for a second, and then she remembered that, yes, Jan had literally asked her if Jan made her uncomfortable by talking about sex _less than a week ago_. However, Jackie had been too stuck in her own world of worry to remember anything that would make this situation easier. She grimaced. “I just feel lost, navigating this. I keep thinking there’s so much to say, but then I have nothing to say, at all.”

Jan reached over to cup Jackie’s cheek, turning the brunette’s head toward her. Jackie closed her eyes, and she could feel the soothing effects of Jan’s thumb rubbing up and down lightly. “Not that kissing you isn’t incredible,” Jan started, smirking, and Jackie rolled her eyes good-naturedly. “But I want to do more, too.”

“Okay,” Jackie said breathlessly. “That’s great. That’s really great.”

“I don’t know how far I want to go, if we try tonight,” Jan admitted, and Jackie nodded, her eyes never leaving Jan’s.

“We’ll talk through it,” Jackie said resolutely. “We’re two consenting adults that love each other. We can communicate, right?” 

Jan smiled, softly responding “right”, before her eyes went wide, and her mouth gaped a bit. Jackie furrowed her brows, before replaying that sentence. 

“We are?” Jan’s was so soft, and it was that contrast from her usual boisterous tone that gave Jackie the chills. 

“I mean, I love you.” Jackie shrugged as well as she could against her comforter. She swallowed, watching Jan’s face morph into a real, big smile.

“I love you, too.” Jan said, bringing Jackie’s face closer to her own.

Jackie smiled, and she could feel her eyes getting watery. "I keep thinking about leaving here. When I first got my acceptance into NYU, I couldn't imagine not coming home to this house, to this room," she gestured around with her eyes, before looking back at Jan again. "But I think where ever you are is home, too."

Jan bit her lip. Jackie could see the tears threatening to spill, and pulled Jan closer. "Hey, what are you thinking about in that pretty head of yours?"

The blonde choked out a laugh. “I just can’t believe the human embodiment of ‘plan ahead’ let something so important just slip out like that.” 

Jackie laughed, pushing Jan’s shoulder gently, their smiles never changing. “I’ve had it on my tongue all summer. I think if anything, this was a pretty good time to say it.”

“Well, now I'll have to explain to Brita that we finally said it during our birds and the bees talk,” Jan laughed, and Jackie gasped.

“You are _not_ telling your friends about this conversation.”

“I won’t, I won’t,” Jan said, her voice becoming lighter as she waved her hand around. “I’ll tell them I got you a new DVD boxset of some anime, and you were so overcome with emotion that you confessed your undying love to me.” She clutched her heart, letting out a big sigh. “You were ready to propose until you realized it wasn’t the collectors edition.”

“Yeah, okay!” Jackie said sarcastically, laughing. “Rock might’ve been right when she said this whole conversation would go better over text. Maybe I wouldn't have slipped in the L word.”

Jan guffawed at that. “You asked _Rock_ how to talk to me about _sex_ , and she said ‘Do it over text’? And you _agreed_?”

“Well I clearly didn’t agree, since I didn’t do it!”

Jan shook her head. “You thought about it, though. I can hear you now, ‘Great idea Rock, you’re a genius. So experienced, too!’” Jan and Jackie were both laughing, but Jackie still shook her head vehemently. 

“You can ask her, I did not say that.”

“You are full of ideas today, Jacks. Let me ask Rock about how your conversation about sex went.”

“Oh my God,” Jackie half-laughed, half-groaned, putting her face in her hands. “You know that’s not what I meant.” 

“I know,” Jan smiled cheekily, and Jackie couldn’t believe she had lasted so long without kissing her tonight. All she could hear at the moment were both of their breaths, and her own heartbeat, which had slowed down considerably since the night began, but still reminded her how Jan made her feel.

When Jackie’s breath returned to normal, she leaned towards Jan, and could feel Jan using the hand on her cheek to guide the brunette towards her. At that moment, Jackie didn’t really care about how far they would be going or about how inexperienced she was. All she wanted was to feel Jan’s body against her own, and discover what there was to discover, together. She wanted to be able to run her hands down Jan’s body, to grip her tightly, to feel her lips against her own neck. She wanted to see Jan on top of her, heaving, and see the love and affection mixed with attraction and desire.

Jackie figured those were the things that could happen when she finally gained the confidence to talk about it, instead of just thinking about it. So she let Jan know what she wanted, and Jan would happily oblige, sharing her own desires, grabbing the hem of Jackie’s shirt loosely, tugging Jackie’s hair lightly. At first, Jackie had done everything as tentatively as possible, with a few more questions than probably necessary, and some hesitant movements here and there.

Then, Jackie forgot about her nerves all together when Jan bit her lip extra hard, and Jackie moaned into her mouth.

A few hours later, Jackie and Jan’s night alone had finally slowed down. The brunette was lying against her pillows, her shirt discarded on the floor and her bra hooked haphazardly, with Jan lying on her chest, breathing evenly. Jackie had never felt so much before, but as she went over what had just happened in her mind, she knew she didn't regret a thing. She also knew that she was probably going to ask Jan to do it again in like, an hour. 

_Jan_ , she had thought, looking at the girl in her arms. Her beautiful, perfect girlfriend. Whom she _loved_. Who's body she had just spent the last hour or so learning, over and over again. Who gave her so much tonight. Her heart felt full.

“Thank you,” Jackie breathed out, and Jan snorted.

“Don’t say ‘thank you’. That makes me sound like a prostitute.” 

Jackie laughed, running her fingers through Jan’s now messy hair. “Didn’t you play one in junior year?”

“Ernestina Semple was _not_ a prostitute! She just _sounded_ like one!”

“Got it, got it,” Jackie raised her hands in mock-defense, before wrapping them around Jan’s back to hold her closer. “That was good, though, right? I didn't suck?"

“You definitely didn’t suck. Have you been researching?” Jan smirked, and Jackie bit her lip. She hated how predictable she was. “Baby?”

“It was one time.”

“Oh my God,” Jan put her face against Jackie’s collarbone to hide her laugh. 

Jackie knew there was no saving herself, but she tried, anyway. “The quality was terrible. I couldn’t even tell what was going on, anyway, so it’s like I didn’t even watch it.”

“You watched _lesbian porn_ , Jackie?”

Jackie threw her hands up, blushing profusely. “I needed a _semblance_ of an idea of what I was doing!”

“You had to have known how fake those videos are,” Jan basically pleaded, pulling away from Jackie, and ignoring the brunette’s whine. “Right?”

“For starters, I’m not wearing acrylics, so I wasn’t exactly taking pointers.” Jackie rolled her eyes. " _WikiHow_ didn’t have great answers either.”

Jan laughed loudly at that, and Jackie forwent her pride to join in. When they settled down, Jan gave Jackie a look that took her breath away. The blonde had one eyebrow raised, and a small smirk on her face. “I don’t think you needed to look anything up, honestly,” Jan rasped out, holding Jackie’s chin between her index finger and thumb. “You’re a quick learner, Miss Cox.”

“Yeah?” Jackie tilted her head and bit her lip.

“ _Oh,_ yeah,” Jan grinned, and Jackie chuckled.

“I can definitely say the same for you,” she responded, leaning towards her girlfriend. Jan’s grin grew softer, and Jackie could feel herself match it. She had rarely felt so content, but lying here and talking to Jan, wrapped up in each other, felt like exactly where she belonged.

There was a brief pause, where the two just looked at each other, and Jackie let her eyes wander across Jan's face. She was certain by now she had memorized it, but there was no harm in going over it again, and again, admiring how beautiful Jan was in the glow of Jackie's bedside lamp and the moon through the curtains.

“I love you,” Jan whispered. Jackie definitely didn’t want to cry, because that would probably be weird, but those three words felt like they were burrowing their way into her chest and tattooing themselves on her heart. 

“I love you, too.” 

This is definitely where Jackie belonged. Not in her bedroom, in this house, or in this small town, but with Jan, tucked away. Jackie was certain that wherever Jan was, was where she should be, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And… there we go. Two big things in one! Ah, young love! It's kinda funny how I started writing these two as younger than me (they're 18 while I'm 19), and in a few stories they'll hit 20 or 21, and be older than me! They grow up so fast.
> 
> I spent a good amount of time on, like, the last eight lines or so? I just couldn't get them perfect, so, yeah. Sorry! LOL
> 
> I like this story... I think? Though, I believe the first chapter was building up to something that just did not happen as dramatically as I’d like. I wish it was more dramatic, but I think Jan and Jackie are very… casual people. But stories are stories because they have issues that are resolved, not because two people are in love, I always have to remind myself. 
> 
> So, yeah. I didn’t include everything I had planned, but things don’t always turn out the way we think they will, and I like the general direction I took this. Again, as it is my own writing, I’m inclined to dislike it.


End file.
